i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
