OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
