I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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