so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
