Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
