Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
