i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
