I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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