i don't like sucking hair
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
