I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
