oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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