Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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