3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
