I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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