... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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