everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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