i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
