I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
