R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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