ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
