I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
