She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
