I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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