Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
