I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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