I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
