She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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