You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize