Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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