I'm so fucking centered right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
