I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
