I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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