whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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