you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
