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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i think girls just don't want to fuck you

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.

  Fav 4 3365 1715

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  "you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  On the bright side I still got laid

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?

  Fav 1 1078 498

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?

  Fav 3 572 373

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???

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• (631): View more from New York

  It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina

  Fav 0 317 116

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...

  Fav 0 13 8

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