you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
handjob tips. give me some.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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