He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you never un-have a 4some
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How naked do you want me to be?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
