It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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