I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
