Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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