You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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