Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
