Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
