how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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