I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
