I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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