If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
