hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
