I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
