That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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