If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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