i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
