He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
