U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
