Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
