margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You ruined the universe
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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