you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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