I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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