You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
