No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
