he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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