Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
