The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just invented taco cereal.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize