worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm always down for nudity.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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