Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
