it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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