I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
