i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
