why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
