Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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