So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
